I don’t know when or how it happened, but I’ve been a bit down in the doldrums after returning from Beijing. To fill the days, I’ve been exploring my city, rediscovering the places I used to overlook, so absorbed was I in my microscopic angst.
I’ve also been reorganizing my old photos. Reminiscing over old times has been very meditative, but it’s also made me see how I lost in the forest for the trees I became since high school. When I graduated, I thought I knew exactly where my life was headed, but the reality is that I didn’t even know on what ground my feet stood. Those were challenging, lonely years, and I lost so much post-graduation momentum trying to figure out what the hell I was doing in business school.
The timing couldn’t have been more perfect when I dug up a photo of the mural I drew when I moved into my on campus dorm. It reminded me of what I set out to do, and ties in nicely with this transition period from studying abroad back to my home school.
I chalked T.S. Eliot’s wise words onto my wall because it inspired thoughtfulness and slow living. Now I wonder if it hadn’t made me take too much the backseat perspective. Admiration of life is a good thing, but it’s not enough to merely look and not participate. I’ve spent enough time playing ghost, now it’s time to act with intention.